Why is it hard for today’s moms on maternity leave
The long day is behind us. After running my faithful helpers for the night – the dishwasher and washing machine, throwing dough into the multicooker for my daughter’s favorite breakfast casserole, I finally relaxed and took a shower, glancing with one eye at the video-nanny. And I wondered why we – actually the first generation of moms, who have access to soooooo many achievements and benefits of civilization – still have such a hard time on maternity leave. Probably even harder than our mothers and grandmothers. I’m in my fifth year on maternity leave, and I’m enjoying motherhood, but it’s not easy for me. And here’s why…
LACK OF SUPPORT.
We live in a time when we are kind of on an equal footing with men in rights, but “going on maternity leave” is still synonymous with “getting out of the way. We never received recognition and equality in this role. We are still faced with a choice. You are either a “good” mom or a good professional. Yes, yes – there are moms who do both (and I am one of them, too), but the status of being a mom is still a “burden” for many employers. And I understand them perfectly! But it does not change the essence.
Social. The hardest thing that a mom on maternity leave has to endure is social isolation. And this is what separates us from our ancestors, who had children “without interruption” of normal life – the family, farm, vegetable gardens. A modern mother, especially in a megalopolis, after giving birth to a baby finds herself in a completely different world – with a different pace and timing, filled with unfamiliar sounds and smells, with an endless array of monotonous activities. And no matter how much the government supports motherhood by providing maternity leave and material assistance, the society is not ready to accept a mother with her screaming, pooping and breastfeeding baby – she should not interfere with her usual pace. Otherwise, how can one explain the almost complete lack of mother-child rooms and children’s chairs in cafes and restaurants, changing tables at gas stations, ramps for strollers… The list could go on and on. But moms have already put up with it and somehow got used to it, we don’t have normal conditions for people with special needs either. And here is the RELEVANCE to the mother with the child in the cafe? A mother breastfeeding on a bench in the park? In other words, according to this same society, the mother must solemnly leave this society to “stay on maternity leave” and then “give” the child to a kindergarten/nanny/nursery, and only then does she have the right to return to this society again. Children are born automatically at kindergarten age. And before that, it’s not good for moms to go to cafes! It’s not a mom thing.
Friendly. In modern women have the right to choose: to have or not to have children, give birth at 20 or 40, to build a career first, and then create a family or vice versa. And it turns out rarely when cronies go to maternity at the same time. And this almost always means a loss of the former svyazi, well, or the strength of this relationship with childless girlfriends. It is understandable: listening to the joyful “we finally pooped” person, not imbued with hormones prolactin it is somehow incomprehensible, and in general unnatural. Yes, over time there are new mommy acquaintances, but it still takes away the familiar, insistent years of support …
Motherly. It’s good if the mommy-grandmothers can support the new mom. Not take the reins and hand out endless advice, because “she raised three”. But to SUPPORT. To let a young mom cry on your shoulder from exhaustion without devaluing her condition, and to come feed her something delicious. And hot. But, alas, very often the newly minted grandmothers turn on the favorite “and how was it for us – without diapers and washing machines?” record. In addition, the difference between our generations in child care and education is often very painfully perceived by our mothers – because it turns out that their knowledge and experience is kind of devalued. Mothers-in-law and mothers tell them how to raise children, and they in turn are rarely the primary source of information for daughters and daughters-in-law, giving way to books, courses, various professionals and the same Internet. And it’s great when that’s the case, really. We do not want to be the next generation of moms who are “out of milk” and children are not “accustomed to the hands. So it turns out that grandmothers, having their own unreasonable expectations, do not meet ours.
